I can text with my tongue
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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