tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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