I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
