so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
