I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
