Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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