I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
