FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
