Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
