wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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