i don't like sucking hair
Nicole vs. Life
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
