Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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