Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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