Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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