White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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