Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The adults are the big ones right?
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