There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
