what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
