Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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