community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
