Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
