dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
