brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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