I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
