It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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