Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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