Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
