i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
