I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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