just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
