and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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