She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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