u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
