I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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