Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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