I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
