is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
