your thong is hanging out like whoa
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
