It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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