I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
