His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
