I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
