@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
