can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
