I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
