i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
