I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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