i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
