I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The beers last night were like the tears from god
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
