But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
