I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
