haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
