Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
my liver is dry heaving
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize