my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize