Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize