just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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