Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
