so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
