guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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