If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize