i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
