Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
