Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
