My nipple is on Facebook.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
