Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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