2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
