He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
