Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
