had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
