I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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