How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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